I found this nugget of wisdom on an unassuming, hand-lettered wooden plaque in the restroom at Antidote Coffee (729 Studewood St, Houston). It’s a refreshing change from the standard-issue health department signs that you see all over the place. I like the reasonable tone, the gentle admonishment that could be spoken by your grandmother, or maybe a patient nursery-school teacher.
“We want you to wash your hands because we care about you,” it seems to say. “Oh, and if you work in the kitchen, we really must insist. Thanks for being so understanding. Have a great day!”
Upon further consideration, I’ve decided to reveal the secret identity of “Rotten Mary,” the pseudonym I assigned to the previous owner of my P.O. box in one of yesterday’s postings. The actually name of the business in question is Evil Bettie Motor Wear. I made the decision to out Evil Bettie when I realized that her web site still lists MY post office box number as her mailing address!
I would like to make it perfectly clear that I am NOT Evil Bettie.
Red Light Camera Enforcement Program
P.O. Box 4996
Houston, Texas 77210-4996
Re: Notice of Violation #0100800975xxx
To Whom It May Concern:
I wish to contest the above-mentioned Notice of Violation on the grounds that the vehicle shown in the recorded images of the violation is not my car.
As you can see from the enclosed Photo A (from your web site), the car in violation is a beige Toyota Camry. My car, shown in Photo C, is a dark blue-gray Nissan Maxima. Note the contours of the trunk, taillight features, etc.
I believe that a careful examination of Photo B, the offending vehicle’s license plate, will reveal that the vehicle’s license number is xxx xxT. My license plate, as shown in Photo D, is xxx xxY.
Thank you for your assistance in this matter. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need further information.
Yours truly, etc., etc., etc.
Enclosures:
Hearing Request Form
Copy of Notice of Violation
Photos A, B, C, and D
[Heavy sigh.] The things with which we have to put up if we want to live in a civilized society.
The first thing I had to do this morning—after brewing a pot of coffee, of course—was to soak in the bathtub for a while. See, I overdid it yesterday in a couple of different departments. I walked 6-1/2 miles in the stifling heat and humidity of mid-day because I had received an invitation to a party that would conflict with the usual timing of my walk. Then I went to the party in question and drank four beers, which is about four more beers than my normal daily consumption of late. So when I rolled out of bed at the crack of 10:15 this morning, my first rudimentary (dehydrated, hungover) thought after “must have coffee” was “must soak in tub long time.”
Coffee mug in hand, I crawled into the tub with the latest issue of Granta, my favorite “literary magazine.” I had read most of the issue, so this morning’s soak was focused on finding every scrap of text …more
I wrote 1,211 words earlier today in the form of my typical daily free-writing exercise. I write stream of consciousness for a period of five minutes, timed by a “Meditation Timer” widget I downloaded from the somewhere in a Macintosh corner of the Internet. Then I stop and read what I’ve written, look for a “center of gravity,” and write for another five minutes. Then I read again and write again. At the end, I categorize the piece by date, form, and subject matter. Today’s free-writing exercise included text on the topics of irritability, frustration, money, noise, distractions, Baby Boomers, and “running around the world and playing” (among others).
After I categorize the exercise, I copy it into my writing Wiki, where I’ve collected and categorized 356 articles of one sort or another. Some day I will figure out what to do with all those words. Or not.
The free-writing exercises don’t produce material …more
The others think I come here for the cake. They’re partly right. I have a mighty sweet tooth, and that’s what brought me in here once.
But I come back for the sparkle in the baker’s shy, dark eyes and the streak like powdered sugar in his glossy black hair.
On that first visit, he gave me a glance and then looked down at his apron. He reached under the glass counter and served me the first slice of cake from the end of the pan. That day, it was white cake with whipped-cream frosting and strawberries.
On my next trip, I wanted to impress him with my Spanish accent, so I asked for the tres leches. He flashed a smile and picked out a thick, sticky slab from the middle of the pan. I mumbled a gracias and took home my treat.
I wondered if something was wrong when I came in two days later and he chose that moment to disappear into the back of the bakery. But in a few seconds, he came back carrying a small white cardboard box tied up with string. Back in the car, I cut the twine and found a perfect slice of golden cake with chocolate buttercream icing, decorated with a single yellow frosting rose.
Some day, we will make beautiful dessert together.
The Spectrum Center Writers Guild has completed another year of exploring expression through writing poetry, prose, memoir, fiction, essays, and rants. On this afternoon, members of the guild will read pieces of their works-in-progress.
We gather in celebration of the discovery and surprise we’ve enjoyed by allowing our writers’ voices to come forth.
We would be honored to read for you.
Arrive early, meet some of the center’s practitioners, and tour the new Spectrum Center home. We will offer refreshments and delicious tea from The Path of Tea.
RSVP to reserve your seat: 713.840.8957, ext. 1, or .
I will experiment with writing at several different times of day (in the same day), for several days in a row, mixing it up with an occasional day off, etc., to see whether there are some patterns and habits that work better than others.
I will look for magazines and journals that publish the kind of things I like to write.
I will develop a habit for working in several different forms and stages of creative production in parallel, keeping lots of balls in the air—stream-of-consciousness exercises, first drafts, editing and polishing, final drafts, brainstorming exercises, idea-mapping, creative play, etc., in short fiction, personal essay, memoir, flash fiction, a book-length project or two, etc.
Topic: My writing day
I will learn to work in noisy, public places (as a change of pace, not for the bulk of my work).
Topic: My ideal place to write
I will develop more one-on-one social contact with other writers.
I will experiment in combining my everyday writing routine with travel.
I will read with greater intentionality and more careful attention.
I will also read for the joy of reading.
I will make some income writing.
I will win a writing contest.
I will attend more readings by writers whose work I enjoy.
I will subscribe to more periodicals that publish fiction.
I will write on nights when I’m sure that I’m much too tired to write.
Topic: Life in the suburbs
When someone makes a suggestion about a text I’ve written, I will pay careful attention.
I will go on a retreat to a beautiful place when I can write in a peaceful setting.
I will write second (and third) drafts of some of the many first-draft pieces in my possession.
I will open a separate checking account for my writing work.
I will start a QuickBooks file to track the finances of my writing career.
Topic: Imagination as the root of “intuition”
I will return to the practice of keeping a reading list.
Topic: The waterfall at Cade’s Cove, Tennessee
I will schedule writing times and then honor them, even when presented with the tempting offer of a social outing. (But not every time.)
I will explore more deeply the development of characters.
I will experiment with unusual forms.
I will write a six-word bio. (Or many of them.)
I will idea-map on a more regular basis.
I will seek out workshops on some specific areas of writing craft: characterization, writing dialog, etc.
When I travel, I will keep travelogues. But I will try to tell a few interesting stories or observations instead of an exhaustive journal of the trip.
I will figure out how to enable Gallery 2 software to make it easier to incorporate images into my blog.
I will pursue the idea of using my blog as a form of postcard for my next big trip.
Topic: Deception
I will refine a couple of pieces to read at the Spectrum Center Community Reading on April 13.
I will write a book to dedicate to Gika. (Guess who suggested this one.)
Topic: The smell of the bathroom at Latina Café.
I will fire an irritating graphic-design client (or all of them).
Topic: Pasteleria
I will go to the beach.
Topic: The new cathedral in Houston
I will take a few days off from writing to reflect on having completed the 50/50 class.
I will beat myself up about letting my writing habit lapse for a couple of weeks when I had been doing so well.
I will stop reading books about creativity.
Topic: College roommates
I will still think of myself as a creative person even if I’m not having a creative day.
I will feel free to disregard writing advice that doesn’t make sense for my style and voice.
I will agonize over the last exercise, dragging it out for days and days and days.
I will leave this exercise unfinished in the interest of getting on with writing.
And then I thought of a few more things that ought to be on the list.
I will put together the curriculum for a workshop on new technologies for writers.
I will reinstitute the good filing habits that fell by the wayside when I started the 50/50 class.
I will remain curious about ways to improve my writing practice.
I will try to have lots of fun.
I will get better at it.
Note: The assignment was to “make a list of fifty things that might come next for you as a writer.” I’ve been working on it on and off for the last 19 days. Enough!
The items marked with a “strikethrough” line have already been completed.
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