50/50 Exercise #37: Wrong and Right

Dear sir:

Next creation? If you’ll pardon my French, you have got to be out of your blessed MIND! Have you completely forgotten how we reached the impasse at which we now find ourselves?

Let Me refresh your memory. The last time you decided to try your hand at creation, I attempted to outline for you a number of suggestions in the form of a PowerPoint presentation that you chose to completely disregard. I believe that My ideas were very reasonable, and as you will probably recall My saying (since you are omniscient and whatnot), I don’t believe that you gave them a fair hearing.

If you had listened to Me, your creation experiment could have proceeded smoothly. My plan would have imposed a sensible order on things—yourself, naturally, in the critically important chief-executive role, with a capable staff of archangels, angels, principalities, and so on and so forth. (If you wish to reacquaint yourself with My design, I can make a copy of My notes from our meeting available.) I would have been both pleased and proud to avail you of My not inconsiderable administrative talents. I had in mind the title of Vice President of Creative Operations, but I was certainly prepared to be responsive to your feedback.

And so I was most distressed at your dismissive reaction to My input, especially in consideration of the expense and effort I put into having My concept thoroughly market-researched and vetted through our Legal Department.

At any rate, My system was, I believe, a strong one from the standpoint of efficiency and maximizing resources, both in materiel and personnel. We could have managed a broad and comprehensive spectrum of worlds, possibilities, beings, and potentialities from which you might have been able to expect any number of positive outcomes—not least of which would have been huge profit margins. So I was dumbfounded (to say the least) when you moved forward unilaterally and unadvisedly on the present project.

As many impartial observers on My staff can attest, I noted some disturbing trends that began as soon as you separated the heavens from the Earth, thereby immediately eliminating many of the cost-saving characteristics inherent in My plan. But then to introduce a wild card in the form of these mortal creatures of yours! Even now, 6,000-some-odd years later, I am astounded that you could have made such an amateurish error. Little less than the angels? Good Lord! (If you’ll pardon the expression.) If you’d given this decision a moment’s careful thought, you would have foreseen the disastrous effect that your organizational scheme would have on the vertical nature of the hierarchy. I’m sure you understand why I chose to absent Myself from the organization rather than face the inevitable deluge of negative publicity, declining stock values, et cetera, et cetera.

But why continue to dwell on your past mistakes? Let us look to the future.

And on that note, let Me get right to the issue that prompted Me to contact you after all these years. I have been hearing whispers from fairly reliable sources about a Mark II Creation Project. If there is any truth to these rumors, I am somewhat dismayed that I have not yet been asked for My input. Still, I would be glad to forget this glaring oversight in the spirit of opening a rapprochement in our longstanding disagreement. And in light of everything that has failed to meet expectations on your first attempt, may I say that I would think you’d welcome the opportunity for a qualified, independent consultant to review your work plan?

Thank you for your attention to this matter. I look forward to your prompt response.

This is a companion piece—a rebuttal, of sorts—to Exercise #2.

© 2008 Edward F. Gumnick