I knew it was broken when she bolted upright and blinked a couple of times. She wiped the back of her hand across her mouth, looked at it, looked at me, and asked, “Who the hell are you?” Before I could answer, she shouted, “Goddamn! I have such a headache!”
I struggled to rise from my kneeling posture by her side. “Your highness, I come—”
“Is there nothing to eat around here? Can’t someone bring me something to eat?”
The servants I’d seen posed around the edges of the room like a wax-museum display when I first strode into the chamber had been pantomiming purposeful activity since I awakened their mistress. Now they leapt into a flurry of movement.
The statuesque blonde pounded a delicate fist into one of the pillows of brocaded crimson silk propped behind her, then shook her head in disgust.
I tried again to draw her attention. “I come from the far reaches of your kingdom—”
“Dolores! Where is Dolores?” screeched the ill-mannered maiden.
A gray-haired maid with a harried expression scurried forward. She straightened the seams of her uniform and curtseyed before the woman on the chaise.
“Yes, madame?”
“Why do you hide from me when you know I’m looking for you? Do you think I have nothing better to do than wait for you? Fetch me something to eat!”
“I was just going to the kitchen for your tea, madame. Of course not, madame. Yes, madame!” said Dolores.
The princess’ voice became more shrill every time she opened her mouth. “And call for my physician! This goddamn splinter in my finger is killing me.”
The maid backed away, stopping to curtsey again every three or four steps, until she disappeared through the double doors at the far end of the chamber.
As the heir apparent to an old and noble line, I was unaccustomed to the dismissive treatment I’d had so far. But this lovely creature had a reputation for grace and poise. Surely it was only the shock of the ordeal she’d been through that brought on this coarse behavior. I thought perhaps it was an appropriate time to make proper introductions, now that her most immediate needs were being addressed.
“I realize, your highness, that you haven’t eaten in a long time. You must be quite famished. While your staff prepare something for you to eat, may I offer you greetings from—”
“You again! What are you doing here? Well, come on, say something. Are those flowers for me? Did I dream it, or did you actually have the nerve to kiss me? Do you have something to say, or are you just going to stand there looking stupid?”
Note: The assignment was to start a text with the line “I knew it was broken when….” The first broken thing that came to mind was a magic spell, and I ended up with Bridezilla Meets the Brothers Grimm.
Love this! Of course, no one ever asked why Sleeping Beauty was really put to sleep until a Prince showed up. Perhaps it was because she was a royal pain in the ___ and her family didn’t want to listen to her anymore until they could wed her off to someone else. I have to say – you do shrill, imperious, witchy woman very well – the original Bridezilla. Yes, I do think this is funny.
As a fan of medieval mysteries, this had me going from the get go….I could just see it!!
Thanks, Carol, and welcome to my blog!
Gayle—I’m not sure where I got the knack for witchy women…maybe I watch too much bad TV?
Oh what fun! This sounds like another keeper. Put it on your list of stories to finish.
Barbara, I’m delighted to see that you left a comment! I was thinking of asking your permission to post the comments that you sent me by e-mail. You gave me some terrific feedback.