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Dear Bunny Rabbit, You’ve gotten me in big trouble now. I know you’re a good-hearted and thoughtful fellow, but I think maybe you’re too chatty. I keep getting sad looks from all the other bunnies. I try to explain that the haiku I wrote was a gift for all the rabbits in the park. Sure, you and I have a special bond, but I feel a lot of fondness for your whole species. Anyway, I’ve started work on an epic poem …more “We went to the Half Moon after we got off work. Lorraine wanted a drink ’cause she says it’s all over with Bobby, there’s no way she’s gonna take him back again. I said no, I’m due back here at 7:30, and she said, oh come on, just come with me for one. “So we took her car, and I left mine behind the diner where I always park it. ’Cause you know I’d always rather ride with somebody else, especially if I’m gonna be drinking. And it was Lo who invited me to this party, so I figured she could make sure I got home. “That guy with the arms was working the back bar …more
—Words that I will put in the mouth of a fictional character one of these days
The prompt is to describe a place—a location “that is meaningful and powerful for you,” and then to write about who you are in that place. I’m thrilled and terrified by this assignment. No one who knows me will be surprised at my choice. It’s the place that I return again and again—Rome. I’m excited by the task because I’m always happy to think about Rome. I can talk about it for hours and hours. I’m scared because …more He was in that state where you’re not quite asleep and not quite awake. I tried to wake him, but found that I couldn’t form words that would mean anything. He sat upright in the bed and called out my name. He couldn’t hear my answer. I felt again the pain of being separated from him. His face looked as if he were struggling to remember something. He turned away to reach for something on the bedside table. I wanted to say, “Please, no, Michael, don’t turn your back on me.” …more Professor Harlebut believed that hot water was the defining characteristic of human civilization. “It’s what separates us from the savages. From the beasts, no less!” he was often heard to say at cocktail parties. As he lounged in the bathtub catching up on his reading, he considered the possibility that the entire trajectory of human evolution had been established by the temperature of the pool of slime where the first amino acids congregated. He was absolutely convinced that the puddle in question had been warm. He used the big toe of his right foot to twist the handle labeled H. He settled deeper into the sudsy water. …more Somewhere in the middle of the twenty-third century, it became fashionable to take on a new name whenever a generation was added to one’s family. Names were increasingly a matter of personal style, used to commemorate the landmark events of one’s life, as a form of hero-worship, to curry favor with a patron, or to express one’s distinct individual taste. They became long and unwieldy, and people relied more and more frequently on initials for everyday use, if for no other reason than to keep the size of business cards manageable. Then in 2298, the poet Alonzo W. J. F. P. H. F. McKenzie started a confusing new trend when he became the first member of his generation to adopt the name of one of his noteworthy descendants. Upon the birth of his first great-great-great-great-great-great-granddaughter, …more I am going blind. As much as everyone would like to convince me that I will acquire some kind of new, metaphorical vision—a gift, really, an inner sight, a heightening of the other senses, blah, blah, blah—the fact remains: I am going blind. At the support group last night, I heard for the umpteenth time about adaptive technologies, reading Braille, about people and machines and organizations that can help me. I am trying to help myself. The thing I’m most afraid of losing is my independence. This morning, I made a trip to buy groceries. …more Your Lordship, Madame President, my esteemed colleagues, ladies and gentlemen: You have by now read the report of the field team assigned to observe Species 287B, and I do not wish to take up the valuable time of this conclave in further discussion of the recommendations of that report. I ask indulgence, however, to draw your attention to some of my own observations of the subject species and to ask you to consider the broader question of the relevance of our Charter to this particular case. As you are aware, our evolutionary anthropologists theorize that every race of beings that approaches sentience …more Dear sir: Next creation? If you’ll pardon my French, you have got to be out of your blessed MIND! Have you completely forgotten how we reached the impasse at which we now find ourselves? Let Me refresh your memory. The last time you decided to try your hand at creation, I attempted to outline for you a number of suggestions in the form of a PowerPoint presentation that you chose to completely disregard. I believe that My ideas were very reasonable, and as you will probably recall My saying (since you are omniscient and whatnot), …more I wouldn’t be in this mess if I knew all the rules of invisibility. Okay, that’s not strictly true. I’m here waiting for my dad to post bail because I pinched a video game from Radio Shack. I think with another lesson, I probably wouldn’t have gotten busted. Let me back up. I didn’t even know that there were rules of invisibility until last week, when I met Jerry. Jerry was the first guy I’ve known who can make himself invisible, like me. When I figured that out about him, he told me that if I kept his secret, he’d tell me about the rules. “Rules?” I asked. …more |
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