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If I’m going to poke fun at goofy signs, it’s only fair that I applaud the ones I like:
Everyone should wash their hands
Employees must
I found this nugget of wisdom on an unassuming, hand-lettered wooden plaque in the restroom at Antidote Coffee (729 Studewood St, Houston). It’s a refreshing change from the standard-issue health department signs that you see all over the place. I like the reasonable tone, the gentle admonishment that could be spoken by your grandmother, or maybe a patient nursery-school teacher.
“We want you to wash your hands because we care about you,” it seems to say. “Oh, and if you work in the kitchen, we really must insist. Thanks for being so understanding. Have a great day!”
July 7, 2008
Red Light Camera Enforcement Program
P.O. Box 4996
Houston, Texas 77210-4996
Re: Notice of Violation #0100800975xxx
To Whom It May Concern:
I wish to contest the above-mentioned Notice of Violation on the grounds that the vehicle shown in the recorded images of the violation is not my car.
As you can see from the enclosed Photo A (from your web site), the car in violation is a beige Toyota Camry. My car, shown in Photo C, is a dark blue-gray Nissan Maxima. Note the contours of the trunk, taillight features, etc.
I believe that a careful examination of Photo B, the offending vehicle’s license plate, will reveal that the vehicle’s license number is xxx xxT. My license plate, as shown in Photo D, is xxx xxY.
Thank you for your assistance in this matter. Please do not hesitate to contact me if you need further information.
Yours truly, etc., etc., etc.
Enclosures:
Hearing Request Form
Copy of Notice of Violation
Photos A, B, C, and D
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[Heavy sigh.] The things with which we have to put up if we want to live in a civilized society.
Gordon knows his wife could use his help inside the house. There are many things to do before the children arrive for Easter dinner. She likes to put out the good china, and there’s silver to polish, and linens to iron, napkins to fold, but he doesn’t consider any of that to be his responsibility. Early in the marriage, he would have been more accommodating on this point, but that was a long time ago.
Bernadette was up at 5:30. She made coffee and began puttering in the kitchen. Gordon lay in bed until 6:15, his usual time, then got out of bed, put in his dentures, took a four-minute shower in the coldest water he could stand, and went to the kitchen for a cup of black coffee. As he drank the hot liquid in impatient sips, he toyed with the garage door opener in his other hand.
“You don’t really have to …more
You don’t have to answer it every time it rings. A lot of my friends and acquaintances appear to be unaware of this fact, so I thought I would bring it to everyone’s attention here.
© 2007 Edward F. Gumnick
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