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50/50 Exercise #37: Wrong and Right

Dear sir:

Next creation? If you’ll pardon my French, you have got to be out of your blessed MIND! Have you completely forgotten how we reached the impasse at which we now find ourselves?

Let Me refresh your memory. The last time you decided to try your hand at creation, I attempted to outline for you a number of suggestions in the form of a PowerPoint presentation that you chose to completely disregard. I believe that My ideas were very reasonable, and as you will probably recall My saying (since you are omniscient and whatnot), …more

50/50 Exercise #36: Invisibility

I wouldn’t be in this mess if I knew all the rules of invisibility. Okay, that’s not strictly true. I’m here waiting for my dad to post bail because I pinched a video game from Radio Shack. I think with another lesson, I probably wouldn’t have gotten busted.

Let me back up.

I didn’t even know that there were rules of invisibility until last week, when I met Jerry. Jerry was the first guy I’ve known who can make himself invisible, like me. When I figured that out about him, he told me that if I kept his secret, he’d tell me about the rules.

“Rules?” I asked. …more

50/50 Exercise #35: Worst Driver

I wake to the sensation of pain—pain in my shoulders and elbows, in my ankles, a dull ache in the back of my head. I try to shift my weight, and that’s when I realize that I can barely move. It’s not that my limbs aren’t capable, but I have the dawning awareness that I’m held fast. I am bound in some way.

I’m in darkness, and as I attempt to drag myself toward consciousness, I feel the coarse fabric of the blindfold against my cheeks. Next, I am aware of the material in my mouth. Made of burlap or some kind of sackcloth, it tastes of mildew, dust, and blood. Something trickles across my forehead. …more

50/50 Exercise #34: Lead Line: “Tonight my brother, in heavy boots, is walking…”

Tonight his comrades are patrolling up near the logging camp. They haven’t taken Klein along because it’s a dangerous assignment, and he’s still worth too much to them as a hostage, even though they—and he—have long since stopped thinking of him primarily as a hostage.

He stays in the camp and cooks a bland meal of corn cakes and red beans to keep himself busy, and so his captors will have something warm to eat when they return from their reconnaissance mission in the cold, damp hills. He warms the canned beans a little over a propane stove and cooks the corn barely long enough …more

50/50 Exercise #32: “I have always wondered if…”

I have always wondered if people who are going insane know that they’re going insane. That’s a question that’s kept me up nights for a lot of years. Sometimes late at night I watch for signs of instability in myself, but I’m not sure if I’ll recognize them.

I have always wondered if I snore, so last weekend, I set up a video camera in my bedroom to see if I could catch myself in the act. When I woke up in the morning to review the tape, I discovered something much more interesting than whether I snore. I found out that while I sleep, my dog moves the books around on the bookshelves. I wouldn’t have believed it, except I’ve send the evidence on the videotape. There he is, standing on his hind legs, one paw braced against a shelf, …more

50/50 Exercise #31: Taking a Leap

Marie was sure he never said a word about a motorcycle. He said, “I meet you at Piazza Bologna metro. We eat dinner, we drink a cup of coffee, we see what happens.”

Then her laptop battery died. She stuffed the computer back in her bag and left the Internet café. She walked the four blocks to her hotel wondering if she would be able to figure out how to make a telephone call. From the room, she dialed “0” for the reception desk.

“Can you help me make a local phone call, please?”

The voice on the other end …more

50/50 Exercise #30: The Colors That Shape Us

The other day, one of my young friends asked in a solemn tone, “Aren’t you bored after all these years?”

I changed the subject. I told her about a curious experience I’d had at the park.

“Last Thursday, I discovered a new shade of purple. I was walking past the driveway of the arboretum, and I noticed a flowerbed that had been freshly planted. The tiny clusters of blossoms were a purple that I’m sure I’ve never seen before in all my many years.” …more

50/50 Exercise #27: An Unexpected Teacher

“I would like to tell you about the Redeeming Knowledge,” began the man on the doorstep without so much as a word of introduction. “Maybe I come in and share with you for a moment?”

I had seen my mother turn away Jehovah’s Witnesses, Girl Scouts, and Fuller Brush men with a curt “No thank you,” so I was astonished when she stepped back from the open door to make way for the man. “Won’t you come in?” she asked.

The man wiped the soles of his patent-leather shoes on the doormat, …more

50/50 Exercise #26: Freedom Object

Wednesday, January 30: J. spent his bonus on a 67-inch flat-panel TV. He’s very excited about the Super Bowl.

Thursday, January 31: J. left work early to come meet the satellite-TV guy. If they stuck the dish up on the roof, why is my kitchen such a mess?

Friday, February 1: We stayed in tonight and watched DVDs on the new TV. What an amazing picture! After the first movie, I had a headache. We moved the bookcase over next to the patio door and pushed the leather loveseat back against the wall to get more distance from the TV. The front left leg is loose.

Saturday, February 2: We usually go for coffee at Mister Beans on Saturday morning, …more

50/50 Exercise #24: Siblings

My brother calls me a collaborator, a traitor—and worse. I ask him what he would do if he were the one responsible for our mother’s care. But he’s not responsible. What good are his principles when she is near starving and I don’t have the money to buy the medicine that might quiet her pain?

I take responsibility for the choices I have made. I accept the rations that they give me, although it is not enough for three of us. My brother lectures me on the subject of sacrifice. When he comes to visit us on a moonless night, he invokes the name of our father. I don’t need to be reminded of what was taken from both of us. I don’t want to hear …more